A decade of lessons learned the hard way, or what I know at almost 30, that I didn’t know when I was 20.

Of course, I understand that in order to get to where I am right now, I needed to go through some things, sort through some things, and figure things out at what seems at times to be a ridiculously sluggish, painfully slow pace...and yet, I can’t help wondering where I’d be today if I only “knew then, what I know now”...just typing those words makes me sound ancient, and yet, despite my natural fear of growing old (I’m not talking 30 here, I’m talking geriatric phases that I wouldn’t dare ascribe a number to in writing), I wear the wisdom (the little I’ve acquired) that comes with age proudly (simultaneously, I humbly acknowledge that I have so much more to learn.)
If I could go back and tell my 20 year old self a few things to make the last decade go a little more smoothly, these are the 15 that come to mind as the most important things I’ve learned along the way:

-People matter. More than things, more than tasks, more than ideas. Treat them that way, and let the ones who matter most, know that they do while you still have them around.

-You have two choices. You either help people understand you as only YOU can, or accept being misunderstood. There really is no in between, and not every relationship is worth the time and effort that it will take to acquire the former (so cherish and be patient with the ones that are willing to learn), and sometimes you’ll have to learn to relish the latter...instead of feeling misunderstood, think of it as being mysterious :)

-There is equal pleasure to be found in crowds and solitude. Balance them. Learn from others but realize that audible voices are not the only ones worth listening to.

-There are a million things in this life that you will really really WANT but will have to let go of and a few things that you really really NEED but will find hard to hold on to. When you come across the first kind, open your fingers and accept that we’re not meant to have our every whim. When you come across the second, be relentless, and steadfast in your grip, and grateful that it came into your hands to begin with.

- Everyone has a story that they want to tell someone. If it turns out that you are that someone, listen without judgement and realize that you’ve just been given a gift, what can you learn from it? (*note: give yourself extra time at the grocery store, you will get a lot of stories from people here for some strange reason)

-”First do no harm” is not just for doctors. Hurt no one intentionally, right your wrongs when you can, and resist the urge to match or exceed the hurts done to you. No good can come from vengeance.

-You are by your very nature a little bit meddlesome, supremely wordy, over-analytical, something of a control-freak, and have addictive tendancies. Quit fighting these things and harness the power of your weaknesses. Meddle only where you can do good, or bring clarity or in acts of sincere charity. Use your words to build up and affirm the people who deserve and need to hear them. Analyze situations, people, and use your perception to make good decisions, give good advice, know when to stick around and when to run for the hills! Control yourself and steer your life in a way that is purposeful. Allow yourself to become addicted only to things that will bring health...like loving, giving, laughter, acts of kindness and...exercise!

-When how you look matters least to you, is about the time you’ll start hearing people say you look better than you ever have. Its a cruel world baby...that’s just the way these things seem to work. You’re never gonna look like you think you should, and you’ll always look back at how you looked now and be confused by how hard you were on yourself.

-You are your own worst (and most of the time ONLY) enemy. I know its hard to wrap your brain around that, but the sooner you do the better off you’ll be!

-Pain means something is wrong...if you listened to your body more closely you’d avoid a lot of trauma...and Connor would have gotten to be baby Jesus in Aunt Ginny’s Christmas pageant!!!

-Don’t try to cover your freckles. Their your birth-right and one day you’ll be sad to notice they are fading.

-Embrace your history, appreciate your family, the past makes up about half of who you are, you decide on the rest.

-Don’t waste too much time looking ahead, trying to predict what’s coming, or hoping for the next best thing. See what’s right in front of you, understand that you’ll never see the best or worst coming so there’s no sense looking for it, find the perfection in every moment...its there, in time you’ll hardly have to look for it anymore.

-Stop being so scared. There’s some rough stuff coming, but you’re not alone and you’re stronger than you think.

-Embrace the dork...you’re only cool when you’re having fun and being you..and “cool” is relative...fun is fun!

-Buy Apple Stock...when you’re 30 you’ll thank me!